Developing Leaders
My friend Heather and I were in a discussion about this very topic yesterday. Most of you who know me well, know I can't say enough about my new church. The following excerpt is from my pastor Dr. Bob Robert's blog on the Northwood website. It was much longer but I just cut and pasted some of it.Let me also say I do not, in the least, consider myself an expert in this area but a practitioner because of various ministries and projects in which I’m involved. From being a pastor, who is discipling a group of men, to working with church planters, to being involved in global development projects, here is some of what I’m learning.
First, you live the life and do the stuff you talk about. Bobb Biehl has taught me that credibility is gained by 3 threads, results-time-character. Results are simply what is seen. People generally listen not because of what you know or what you did, but because of what you are currently doing. Character is what you are. No one is perfect and everyone has flaws. Time gives us the ability to see those things, both good and bad, that helps us filter counsel from someone. It is the ability to be over consistent.
Second, you teach first from what you've experienced. Anyone can write or talk on a subject and, yet, not be a "doer." Those who "do" and those who "talk" at first sound similar, but the deeper you go, the more you learn the differences and what may sound like semantics becomes key. Also, those who "experience" it will generally read more and more because they want to understand more. I’ve learned over the years there are two ways to gain influence, one is by what you know--people want to hear you talk about that. The other is by what you do--people want to hear the stories of what and how you did something. Teaching is passing on information. Mentoring is life-on-life and the more healthy experiences a mentor has, the more he/she has to share.
Third, they have to be around you in your context. I used to not understand that--and it’s something I have to keep learning again and again. I’ve always wanted to get more education in international relations. In fact, I’ve considered getting a degree in it. So, a few months ago, I was at a meeting in D.C and a prominent professor from Georgetown was at the meeting. At a break, I went over and began talking to him about getting a graduate degree to learn more and gain some "credibility" in a field. He stopped me and said, "You’re living it, you’re practicing what those guys I teach come to school for. You’d be wasting your time unless you want to be a professor." I think the apostles followed Jesus because they wanted to watch Him.
Fourth, you have to hold people accountable. Good mentoring doesn’t start by hugging, but by listening, observing, and then challenging. We generally hug too quickly and challenge too late. We should first challenge and then hug when they do it or at least attempt to do it even if they fail and want to try again. The question is what are you trying to produce and what does the person need? Often, we let our own emotional vacuums color relationships with people we are trying to mentor. I’m not afraid to say to a young guy, "Hey man, you gotta work on this" or "That ain’t gonna cut it" or "Why do you think you’re like that?" or "Wow, that’s incredible!" To do that, you have to critique yourself with your mentors and others. An example, I recently mailed a form that I’ve used for several years that allows church members, leaders, family, and friends to critique everything from my "performance" to my character.
Fifth, you give them bite-size things and watch them. Don't give them the whole load--just a part. See what they do with it. It's the parable of the talents--you're going to find out who invests and who hoards. I think one of the reasons why I wind up being asked to mentor or meet with a lot of guys is because they’ve seen consistency and growth in specific areas that continue to open more and more doors. That happens when you are faithful with the 2 talents you’ve been given, not wishing you were a 10-talent guy. The point is not how many talents you have, but how you invest them. The key to all of this has been tackling what is in front of me as if it was the only thing, no matter how big or small it is.
Sixth, watch what's unique about them and help them discover their own uniqueness. Bob Buford has helped me with this. He’s challenged me on more than one occasion, "Roberts you have to know what is unique about yourself and focus on that. What is it you can do that no one else can." Sometimes that's really hard because you may feel you should do one thing when you can see it ain't gonna work! There are at least 3 interns that I’ve visited with on various issues that as I got to know them I could see something was going to bite them or that their giftedness was somewhere else. I didn’t tell them out loud, but asked questions and planted seeds for them to self-discover things. What I discover I value more than what someone else discovers and gives me! A good mentor blurts it out as only a last resort.
Seventh--this could be a book--I think you have to let them see you for who you really are--your good and bad. Admit your faults. They already know them and can see them. They aren’t asking you for help because they think you’re perfect. When you’re honest about your weaknesses, it will frankly increase your credibility with them. You bet--let them see you work. But, let them see you laugh, weep, sweat, everything you are. One of the men who has impacted my life has also been a man that made a bad mistake. Why do I still listen to him? Because he picked up the phone and called me, before it was in the papers or someone else called, and said, "Bob, I blew it. I love you and believe in you, I’m sorry I’ve let you down, but I wanted you to hear it from me--this is what happened . . . ." Though I was hurt and disappointed and for a while somewhat confused over all of it, this man, to this day, speaks deeply into my life. Why? Because he’s real. I trust real people--people whose smile or affirmations aren’t mixed with agendas or profit from a relationship.
In the past 5 years, my life has become incredibly busy and I’ve had to be more selective with what I’m involved. Speaking at conferences actually began to get in the way of some of the projects in which our church has been involved. I had to choose what really mattered. Do I want to be a speaker or a doer? I’ve made sure that the discipleship and mentoring is getting done. But a few months ago, God really begin to speak to my heart that I needed to be more engaged in all of that, and I have. I’ve had to say no to some other things that might seem important, but as Earl Creps recently wrote in Off-Road Disciplines, there is a discipline to passing the baton. It hasn’t been a well-practiced discipline. We often fear letting go of things because of someone who will do it as good as us. But, as Maxwell has said, if someone can do it 80% as good as you--let go. When we don’t let things go, not only do we deprive others of getting in the game, but we also don’t get to grow on to new levels of impact ourselves.
